Dad jokes—those delightfully corny one-liners that are so cheesy, they could be classified as dairy products. Whether you love them or cringe at the pun-filled punchlines, there’s no denying that dad jokes have a special place in the world of humor. They’re the kind of jokes that make you groan in both disbelief and amusement, and they have a magical ability to make even the most awkward silences at family gatherings feel like a stand-up show. So, buckle up (and maybe keep some eye-rolls handy), because we’re diving into the best, the worst, and the most gloriously groan-worthy dad jokes ever told. Ready to laugh, or at least shake your head in dismay? Let’s go!
The Best Dad jokes of All Time!
Kid: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Please, call me Dad.
Look, a bunch of cows!
Not a bunch, a herd.
Heard of what?
Herd of cows.
Sure, I’ve heard of cows.
No, a cow herd.
Why should I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets from a cow.
“you guys wanna hear a joke about pizza?”
Nevermind….. it’s too cheesy
Do you want to hear the joke about the jump rope?
No, skip it
How do you know when your clock is still hungry?
It goes back four seconds
The joke about the chiropractor?
Nevermind, I told it about a week back
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Car go.
Car go who?
Nah mate, Owl go who, Car go Beep Beep
My Dad: My sister married an Irishman
Me: Oh, really?
Dad: No, O’Reilly
Daaaaaad! I’m hungry!
Hi hungry, i’m Dad
What do you call a fly with no wings? . . .
A walk
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet
What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay?
Bagels
Never buy anything made from velcro
it’s a total rip-off
What did the buffalo say as his son left?
Bison
What do you call a factory that produces decent products?
A satisfactory
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
By the bark
What car does a sheep drive?
A Lamborghini
Why did the football team pay in cash?
They needed a quarterback
Why are celebrities never sweating?
They’re surrounded by fans
Want to hear a construction joke?
I’m still working on it
What’s green but smells like red paint?
Green paint
What does a gross pig and a wizard have in common?
Hogwarts
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off
What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie?
A pie-thon
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well
My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public
I said maybe
What days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are week days
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night…
I should’ve put it on aloha setting
Shout out to my grandma
that’s the only way she can hear
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Carlos
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted
Found out I was color blind the other day…
That one came right out the purple
[Interview]
“What are your strengths?”
Me: I fall in love easily.
“Okay… what are your weaknesses?”
Me: Those blue eyes of yours.
I don’t trust stairs
They’re always up to something
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints
I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers
but the lady behind the register keeps putting it back.
I used to be a personal trainer
Then I gave my too weak notice
Past, present, and future walked into a bar….
It was tense
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands
Did you get a haircut recently?
No, I had them all cut
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it’s two-tired
Never trust an atom
They make up everything
My wife says I’m the cheapest man in the world
But I’m not buying it
Kid: “Dad, will you make me a sandwich?”
Dad: “Poof! You’re a sandwich!”
Unfortunately I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
I don’t know why
I went camping last weekend
It was intense
When does a normal joke actually become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved
Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer go for a run?
He pulled a mussel
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork
the heavier ones need a crane
I saw a beaver movie last night
It was the best dam movie I have ever seen
I ordered a chicken and an egg online
I’ll let you know what comes first
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi
Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web
What do you call phoney spaghetti?
An im-pasta
What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water
When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
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